Weszลam sobie do sali. Komisja w dobrych humorach, wesolutcy, ลผartujฤ
, najpierw mi wyjaลnili,
na czym bฤdzie polegaล egzamin, jak to bฤdzie wyglฤ
daลo.
Nadszedล
czas na pierwsze pytanie: z socjologii. Zanim
jeszcze zaczฤลam odpowiadaฤ, zaczeli mi zadawac pytania dodatkowe!!!!
Zanim jeszcze otworzyลam gฤbฤ! No ลadnie, myลlฤ sobie, jak oni
mnie bฤdฤ
tak dodatkowo pytaฤ, to ja leลผฤ! Przecieลผ ja siฤ obstukaลam
jakiล tam
faktรณw, i nic poza tym nie umiem!
No ladnie, mysle
sobie, to juz jestem pograzona! Ale udalo sie jakos, nawet czlonkow
komisji uraczylam wiedza, o ktorej pojecia nie mieli (pani od
socjologii miala, ale reszta nie). Z uznaniem glowa pokiwali, jak
indyki.
Drugie pytanie, z pracy. Recenzent sie pyta, czy wsrod
moich badanych zadnych problemow jezykowych nie bylo (bylo o parach
mieszanych, czyli zwiazkach dwujezycznych)?
– Zadnych.
– Ale naprawde zadnych? Ani takich, ani takich…. (i wymienia rozmaite problemy).
– Ani takich, ani takich.
Ona se pogadala, ja posluchalam, ale widze, ze zadowolona z tego mojego sluchania jest.
Pytanie trzecie. Wyciagam, a tu polityka zagraniczna (przewodniczacy komisji akurat byl od polityki).
– O nie! jeknelam.
– O, bardzo dobrze! ucieszyl przewodniczacy.
– O, wcale nie tak dobrze – odpowiadam.
Pytanie bylo o pol imperium.
Przewodniczacy mowi:
– To moze ja wytlumacze, co to jest pol imperium
Ja mu na to:
– To moze ja wytlumacze, co to jest pol imperium?
Wcale
mnie nawet nie uslyszal, i zaczal opowiadac o pol imperium. Jak sie
zorientowal, ze to ja powinnam mowic, a nie on, to mowi:
– Aaaa, no tak, prosze kontynuowac.
Ja mu na to:
– Wlasnie mi pan zabral piec minut gadania!
On na to:
– I bardzo dobrze.
Zaczelam
cos mowic, doslownie pol zdania, a on mi juz przerywa, i znow nawija
swoje. I tak dalej. W koncu zadal mi jakies pytanie, co odpowiedziec
nie wiedzialam, wiec palnelam:
– Moim zdaniem Amerykanie wymyslaja te wszystkie piekne doktryny aby zrobic sobie przykrywke na swoje niecne akcje.
W komisji siedzialo 3 Amerykanow, i 1 Polka ๐
Czlonkowie komisji spojrzeli sie po sobie, a przewodniczacy machnal reka i mowi:
– Eeeech, to taki typowo Europejski sposob myslenia! i sie zaczal smiac.
Podczas
calego egzaminu bylo sporo smiechu – z jakis powiedzonek, smiesznych
sytuacji… czlonkowie komisji dyskutowali pomiedzy soba na temat tego,
co ja powiedzialam (!), generalnie bylo calkiem fajnie.
Pozniej wyszlam, po naradzie zawolali mnie z powrotem, pogratulowali…
A jedna z pan w komisji mowi:
–
Ale masz piekne buty! W Katarze je kupilas? Juz nigdy nie zaloze takich
czlapakow (i pokazala na swoje buty na plaskim obcasie).
A zalozylam moje kurewskie buty.
Po egzaminie promotorka mowi do mnie:
– Ale pani podbila swoim komentarzem serce pana B. (przewodniczacego komisji).
I
znow potwierdzila sie regula, iz na egzaminach najlepiej byc
naturalnym, i nie udawac wiecej, niz sie wie. I poczucie humoru,
zwlaszcza z siebie samego, tez bardzo pomaga.
How the exam took place.
I entered the room. Teachers in good humours, laughing, having fun, first they explained how the exam will look like.
First question: sociology. Before I started speaking they started asking me additional questions!!!! Very good, I thouhgt, I’m cooked. I know some facts, but if they ask me additional things, I know nothing!
But I managed this question somehow. I even surprised these people with some knowledge and facts – sociologist knew these facts, but the rest didn’t know them.
Second question was about my thesis. Reviewer asked whether amongst people I had interviewed for my thesis there were no language problems (my research was about mixed marriages, that is about bilingual couples).
– None
– But really none? No these, no that, no nothing? (and she lists possible problems).
– Nor these, nor that, nor nothing.
She was talking, I was listening, but I can see she likes my listening.
Third question. I draw the question and it’s politics!!! (the main guy-examiner is from politics).
– Oh no! I moaned.
– Oh, very good! the main guy got happy.
– Oh, not so good – I answered.
The question was about quasi empire.
The main guy says:
– Let me tell you what a quasi empire is.
I said:
– Let me tell you what quasi empire is.
He didn’t even hear me and started telling about quasi empire. When he realized it’s supposed to be me who’s talking he said:
– AAAA, right, continue please.
I said:
– You just stole 5 minutes of my talking!
He said:
– And very good.
I started speaking, and before I got to the end of the sentence he interrupted me and started speaking again. And this is the way it went. Finally he asked me something, I didn’t know what to say, so I said:
– In my opinion Americans are making up these doctrines to cover up the nasty things they do.
Amongs the examiners there were 3 Americans and 1 Polish woman!!!
They looked at each other and the main guy waved his hand and said:
– Eeeee, this is typically European way of thinking – and he started laughing.
During the whole exam there was a lot laughing – from funny things said, funny situations…. they were discussing amongst each other what I had said (!), in general it was very ok.
Later on I left, they had little discussion about my results, they called me back, congratulated…
And one of the examiner ladies says to me:
–
You have lovely shoes! Did you buy them in Qatar? I’ll never wear such boring shoes as these (and she showed me her flat shoes).
And I was wearing my bitchy shoes.
After the exam my tutor says to me:
Po egzaminie promotorka mowi do mnie:
– You completely charmed profesor B. (the main guy).
And one more time it turned out to be true, that you should be natural during the exams, and don’t pretend that you know more than you actually do. And sense of humour is useful, especially ability to laugh at yourself.
Olzusy u Fajwoklokow 